Bring me sunshine, Bring me laughter, Bring me love...

What a week its been! Sunshine, beautiful, warm sunshine. There is nothing like a sunny day to make you feel glad to be here. In the garden all the plants and trees are beginning to grow. New shoots on my Clematis as it begins to climb the wall. The apple tree blossom is appearing on each branch. The strawberry plants are all a wonderful fresh green colour! Spring and the sunshine all helping the garden blossom.

We put up my little Gazebo this week so that I can sit in the garden protected from the sun. Chemo leaves your skin very sensitive to sun burn and damage. I'm all for skin safety in the sun anyway, even without chemo damage.

With my renewed energy and inspiration, Ive set up my easel and have been painting. I bought some new canvasses as I've got a few commissions to do. I cannot tell you how happy it makes me being able, once again to do the things I love most.

We've taken some gentle walks with Meg. Along the beach at Weston-Super-Mare, out towards the Estuary. We saw an abundance of Red shank feasting on the worms in the muddy sand. We walked around the lakes at Chew Valley. The Lords woods near home. Shaded by the trees as we walked around the lake and ate our picnic lunch. The sunshine really does make us all so happy.

Saturday I went out to lunch with my wonderful friend Sharon. You may remember her from an earlier Blog. Sharon had organised lunch and a manicure for us. We strolled around Clifton Village in the sunshine, laughing and chatting all afternoon. We even laughed our way through the manicure. Candy and Lisa the beauticians joined us and I'm sure every one in the salon could hear us laughing for the whole hour and a half! By the way,my French manicured nails look amazing. The hand massage Candy gave me has also really helped with the Neuropathy (nerve damage). My hands have been a lot less numb and tingly.
So laughter has been a huge aid in my recovery and shows how much I'm enjoying my new freedom.

I am always surrounded by love. I am so lucky to have the love and support from Mike, my family and friends. Also so much love from Meggy dog.

Mothers day was lovely. We went to my parents house for lunch and James was there also. James had called round on Saturday to see me, with a beautiful selection of flowers in yellow and orange. I didn't expect anything else on the Sunday. I took my mums card and presents and after lunch we opened our gifts.

A pretty card from James with words written with love from the heart made me cry. He had also made me a CD with a collection of my favourite songs and designed and created the cover especially for Mothers day. The day was full of love...all my days are though.

LOVE is all around me.
Sunshine, Laughter and Love...

Smile...

Where Have You Been?...

It's been almost a month since my last blog!
Where have I been?
What have I been doing?

The 12th and last cycle of chemo took the wind out of my sails completely. Friday 17th February 2012, a day of freedom! The chemo was disconnected and my PICC line removed (which took literally about 2 seconds and I didn't even know she had done it) all 2 ft of it. The relief was overwhelming. Symbolically this marked the end. I cried, Mike welled up and a young woman who was waiting to have her PICC care done also cried. She knew exactly how I felt in that moment.

After the initial euphoria, I felt exhausted. For the next week I slept and had little to no energy. I was surprised at how chemo cycle 12 had wiped me out more than any other cycle. I cried a lot. The usual post chemo week was horrible. I was so low, so lethargic and it frustrated me. Gradually I picked up.

When the following week came around, with no appointments to attend, it began to sink in. It was over! On the Wednesday( when I would normally go into the hospital for my chemo) in order to celebrate, I arranged with two of my long distance friends to do a synchronised 'Happy Snoopy Dance'! I sent out the dance steps and a little video so we all knew the moves!!! At 2pm Jo and Becks joined me in my celebration. How funny.

That week I also received a message via Twitter that Terri @freshchapter was going to be in Bristol the following week. We arranged to meet up for lunch if I felt well enough. Terri is from Canada but is currently embarking on a world tour. She has sold her apartment and all her belongings to take a year out visiting cancer patients in countries such as Vietnam, India, Peru, Rwanda.  Ive been following Terri's blog (www.afreshchapter.com) for the last 8 months. Ive seen her plans, dreams take shape and finally become a reality. Her blog is incredible and inspirational. I recommend you read it. So to finally meet Terri was a very exciting prospect. We spoke on the phone and arranged a lunch time meet. Mike drove me to the restaurant and waited with me until Terri arrived. This was the first time I had been out in public for 3 months. It felt so good and I felt so 'normal'.

Terri and I spent just 1.5hrs together talking about our own diagnosis, the side affects and  how it has changed our view on life. Terri told me about the people she had met and the countries she had already visited in the last 5 months and where her journey will take her next.  As we said our goodbyes I didn't feel sad but excited for her, inspired by her. We will keep in touch and I will follow her journey via her blog. Maybe one day we shall meet again. I hope so. I felt so positive having been in her company for such a short time. An amazing woman doing amazing things!

So now you know where Ive been this past month. Ive lots planned for the end of March and on into April. Exciting things, new things and some much awaited everyday 'normal' things! Planning the future puts a huge smile on my face.

 Ive finally landed back on Planet Earth...Hello World!!

The Life Boat has arrived...

'Suddenly I saw the LIFE boat coming towards me. After eight long months, trapped on this desolate, dark Island, it has come to take me back to the mainland. All of my family and friends are waiting to welcome me back. My new life is about to begin'...

Today was a good day. Today I cried again but this time with happy tears. With my final chemo cycle in sight next week, I received the news that my CT scan was all clear. Such relief for all my family and friends. Overjoyed, we left the Oncology unit with tears in our eyes and headed straight to my parents house.

I can now start to plan this year, knowing I'm safe to do so. Friday 17th will be my 'Day of Freedom'. No more appointments until 13th March for a check up! I'm happy that I will be seen every three months for the next year. Happy that I will have a CT scan every 6 months for the next two years. I will be monitored for the next seven years.

Its going to be quite a while before I recover fully. The oncologist said possibly a year due to nerve ending damage in my hands and feet. However, within the next two months I should be strong enough to go and meet up with all my friends old and new, visit my brother in Dubai, visit all the art galleries and exhibitions oh....and go back to work.

So, my next Blog will be post chemo...END OF!!!!

An Age Old Dilemma...

Growing old gracefully. Long in the tooth. Getting on in years. Senior citizen. Terminology we dread to be referred to by...Or do we?

Before I was diagnosed with cancer, I dreaded every Birthday, getting old was not something I wanted. I didn't feel old, why should I start to look it! Last April was my 45th birthday...how did that happen????

Upon reflection, now since my cancer diagnosis, all I want to do is grow old, as old as I can! As old as my grandparents 84 & 88 respectively. I want a full life, full of memories that span 8 decades or more (greedy??)

Besides, these days, 40's the new 30 and 60 the new 50...I'm just a whipper snapper! Looking at actors and actresses who have improved with age like a fine wine. Jenny Agutter looked very attractive in an interview this week. Far prettier than when she was in the Railway Children as a young woman. Also, Felicity Kendall still looks fabulous. Meryl Streep, Alan Rickman, Judi Dench, Jack Nicholson. All in their 6th Decade all looking good, fit and healthy.

There are also an abundance of age enhancing products on the market which postpone the effects of ageing. My favourite du jour is Elemis Pro Radiance Anti-Ageing. Olay Regenerist is another great moisturiser.

As a teenager I read with passion 'The Picture of Dorian Gray' by Oscar Wilde (my favourite writer). So terrified was the protagonist, Dorian Gray, of growing old he sold his soul to the Devil and his portrait bore the ageing process as well as the sins he committed. An extreme case of not wanting to grow old and of vanity.

Acisius Sophocles said -"No man loves life like him that's growing old" how true.

My own quote is this - " When your life has been threatened, growing old is enviable, Embrace it"

This Blog is dedicated to an Inspirational friend on her Birthday...Happy Birthday Jayne Cox

Chemo Carnage Number Nine...

At last I'm back, I'm awake again! These last few days just disappeared into the past. Chemo 9  brought with it another wipe out in Potassium levels. So along with that came tight breathing, foggy brain and fluttery heart beats...no not that kind...although there are a lot of good looking men on TV right now!

I came home with even more medication than Lloyd's the Pharmacy. Lovely Potassium drinks included.

Once chemo finished Friday, I slept and I slept...

I also made sure I had lots of high vitamin fruits and vegetables to combat the toxins. I found a miracle drink too. Thanks to the amazing Papadeli Cafe in Bristol, whose cafe is one of my favourite places to go and eat. Coconut water! Packed with vitamins but also Potassium. There is more Potassium in a 250ml glass of coconut water than there are in two bananas!

This past week Ive received so much love and support too from my friends all over the world. Thanks to Twitter Ive met friends I never would have had the chance to know. I am surrounded by the most caring people and I know that without them this world would be less bright, less warm and very very lonely at times. Thank you for carrying me through the Chemo Carnage!

Now in two days time Chemo 10! Its getting tougher each time but I know that just like an athlete in the race of their life, I will get to the Finish line soon and the end is now in sight!

Reflections

Its difficult to put into words exactly how I felt about the passing of 2011. relief, anger were strong emotions, as Big Ben chimed midnight and a New Year began.

I thought I might have cried but I didn't. However, the hugs I gave to Mike and my parents were as if I hadn't seen them in a long, long time.

I know I'm not alone in wanting to see the back of 2011. It was the worst year of my life to date. So many of you share with me the extreme resentment of what 2011 bought to our doorsteps.

So now, new beginnings, new resolutions...

I know that a different me started 2011 than ended it. The person I see reflected back at me now, I do not recognise. I know that this coming year I will have to get to know her.


The old me never took a single day for granted. Having survived Meningitis in 1998, I made the most of my every waking moment. The old me was a bit of a stress head however!
 'Dont sweat the small stuff' is my newly adopted motto.

March will be a huge turning point for me. As my Oncologist said last week, with the end of chemo now insight, I will have to prepare to be set free. He says it may feel like I've been set adrift, alone in a huge ocean. For 7 months I will have been monitored every week and every other week, three times! What will I do with all that spare time? Oh yes...a small matter of returning to work after 10 months. Another challenge to face.

So, reflecting on the challenges that 2011 presented and the new challenges ahead, I will take it one day at a time and this is how I will learn to live my life. Each day, in the words of my son James, is a' precious gift'.






As with each New Year we get the list of New Years Honours. Those who receive Knighthoods, OBE,CBE etc. Well, I have my own New Years Honours list for those who I could not have made it through this year without. Those who have supported, loved,cared and put a smile on my face on a daily basis. I can't list every name here, for fear of missing someone vital from my list. However, those of you reading this now, I know a little smile will appear, because you know you are on my list...

Finally I will leave you with a quote from -' Its not about the Bike' - the very powerful and inspiring book I am reading by Lance Armstrong, testicular cancer survivor -
 "When I was sick, I saw more beauty in a single day than I ever did in a bike race - but they were human moments, not miraculous ones"

Thank you to all of you for making each day a beautiful one.

It was the week before Christmas...

...and although I'm not amongst the hustle and bustle of this busy week before Christmas, I know just how busy you all are. I hear the updates on how every shop, store, Garden Centre is a hive of activity!
For me its been a mixed week. Sunday last we had an early Christmas day! Mikes children are all away for the holidays, so we celebrated a week early. Christmas dinner, pressies and games. I also made some Christmas cookies for the occasion.

Now I'm having chemo number 8, finishing this Friday before Christmas. I know I will probably crash on Christmas day. However, regardless of how I feel and even if it means Mike taking me to my parents for the day in my PJ's I'm having Christmas! End of!

Oh...and I have an early Chemo Christmas present, given to me in the form of Palmar-Plantar Erythrodysesthesia...ahem...I know, bit of a mouthful. Also known as Hand and Foot syndrome!

 Some chemotherapy drugs such as one of mine 5 Flurourcil (5FU) can leak in small amounts out of the small blood vessels or Capillaries into the hands and feet. This causes sunburn like appearance (redness, skin peeling, tingling, soreness). Vitamin B6 Pyridoxine can help the symptoms. Lowering the dose of chemo can also prevent symptoms worsening. I already had my dose lowered so no longer an option.
So, today I got my vitamin B6 and didn't see the Doctor. Having chemo number 8 as I write! I'm on the home straight now with no time to lose.

All that's left to say is "Happy Holidays to everyone. I hope you all have a peaceful time whatever you do and wherever you are"

 I will be giving special thoughts and sending love to those who are suffering for many different reasons at this time.