Waiting to hear if my cancer has spread...

Since my initial diagnosis two weeks ago,  I have bowel cancer - a tumour
the size of a small apple, Ive had my CT Scan and tomorrow the Multi Disciplinary team will ring
me to tell me if it has spread and what they can do.
 I feel sick right now at the prospect of knowing...I have never wanted a day to come so quickly and yet dreaded its arrival so much. I have never been so
afraid in all my life of a telephone call...Im trying to stay so positive but am
not doing so well right now. I am scared...
Joanne

The day my world caved in...

Friday June 17th 2011

 A defining date, not etched on my mind but gauged out with the sharpest blade of the most hidieous knife. The day my world, my life changed forever.

This is my journey,  I have no choice now where I go. The only choice I have is how I get there. I will fight the hardest fight of my life so far. I will survive this and be the victor! I will do this for myself, for my son, my partner, my parents, my whole family and extended family, all of my true friends and for everyone who I know in my heart cares enough to want me to fight this battle and win!
How I found out;
The Consultant enters my recovery cubicle, her head tilted a little to the left, her mouth tight with the corners slightly curving upand sad eyes half lowered..."Im afraid I've found your biggest fear in your colon" she says...with that she starts to disappear into a 'tunnel' that I've created in my mind to make her shrink and vanish!

Sat June 25th 2011

It's been one hell of a week! An emotional rollercoaster...Hell...my own personal purgatory. Waiting. Today I had the CT scan. The procedure itself was a simple and painfree experience. The fear comes from what the CT scan will discover...or on the flipside, the positive side, what it will not. Fingers crossed and pray for the latter.
 By now the biopsy to determine which type, should be with the Consultant and his team. The team should  be able to put all the information that they have on this and determine what can be done - my 'plan'. All sorts of thoughts race around my mind at lightening speed, constantly. The thoughts range from one polar extreme to the other . Positive > pure darkness!
All we can do now is wait...how long...

Flamin June...A Day at RSPB Ham Wall

After a dreadful day of misery on Monday, we decided a day out in the sunshine would do me good! The forecast said the sun would shine all day and the temp would be perfect...
A drive down to Glastonbury and on to the Somerset Levels - RSPB Ham Wall.
Expectations were high, would I see the beloved Barn Owl? We walked along the dusty path and the cocophony of bird song was incredible! The Great Tits nesting, Robins, Blackbirds, Warblers all busy about their day with a song. Long tailed tits en masse in the trees beyond, never still enough to see in detail but unmistakable all the same!
Majestic Cormorants sit on platforms in the water, sunning their huge wings outspread like Egyptian statues.
As we continued along the track towards the tea room...I looked out over the field and saw flying low over the fields near the dead gnarley trees an umistakeable site...the cream and chocolate brown wings of the Marsh Harrier! Then not one but two a pair hunting together diving and flying low in unison. I followed them through the binoculars with utter amazement, it has been 20 years since Ive been here and saw them here on the Somerset Levels...

Walking back along the river, Dragonflies and Damselflies glistened and swooped in the afternoon sun! So many dancing along the Rivers edge, stopping on tall grasses occasionally, perfect for me to get a closer look. In our path a Grey Heron, so tall and almost prehistoric looking, as he takes flight you realise just how big these wonderful birds are!

Down at ground level a caterpillar ambles along the dusty track ahead of us. Such a beautiful specimen, as black and twinkly as a starlit sky - The Peacock butterfly caterpillar! A first for me...