An Age Old Dilemma...

Growing old gracefully. Long in the tooth. Getting on in years. Senior citizen. Terminology we dread to be referred to by...Or do we?

Before I was diagnosed with cancer, I dreaded every Birthday, getting old was not something I wanted. I didn't feel old, why should I start to look it! Last April was my 45th birthday...how did that happen????

Upon reflection, now since my cancer diagnosis, all I want to do is grow old, as old as I can! As old as my grandparents 84 & 88 respectively. I want a full life, full of memories that span 8 decades or more (greedy??)

Besides, these days, 40's the new 30 and 60 the new 50...I'm just a whipper snapper! Looking at actors and actresses who have improved with age like a fine wine. Jenny Agutter looked very attractive in an interview this week. Far prettier than when she was in the Railway Children as a young woman. Also, Felicity Kendall still looks fabulous. Meryl Streep, Alan Rickman, Judi Dench, Jack Nicholson. All in their 6th Decade all looking good, fit and healthy.

There are also an abundance of age enhancing products on the market which postpone the effects of ageing. My favourite du jour is Elemis Pro Radiance Anti-Ageing. Olay Regenerist is another great moisturiser.

As a teenager I read with passion 'The Picture of Dorian Gray' by Oscar Wilde (my favourite writer). So terrified was the protagonist, Dorian Gray, of growing old he sold his soul to the Devil and his portrait bore the ageing process as well as the sins he committed. An extreme case of not wanting to grow old and of vanity.

Acisius Sophocles said -"No man loves life like him that's growing old" how true.

My own quote is this - " When your life has been threatened, growing old is enviable, Embrace it"

This Blog is dedicated to an Inspirational friend on her Birthday...Happy Birthday Jayne Cox

Chemo Carnage Number Nine...

At last I'm back, I'm awake again! These last few days just disappeared into the past. Chemo 9  brought with it another wipe out in Potassium levels. So along with that came tight breathing, foggy brain and fluttery heart beats...no not that kind...although there are a lot of good looking men on TV right now!

I came home with even more medication than Lloyd's the Pharmacy. Lovely Potassium drinks included.

Once chemo finished Friday, I slept and I slept...

I also made sure I had lots of high vitamin fruits and vegetables to combat the toxins. I found a miracle drink too. Thanks to the amazing Papadeli Cafe in Bristol, whose cafe is one of my favourite places to go and eat. Coconut water! Packed with vitamins but also Potassium. There is more Potassium in a 250ml glass of coconut water than there are in two bananas!

This past week Ive received so much love and support too from my friends all over the world. Thanks to Twitter Ive met friends I never would have had the chance to know. I am surrounded by the most caring people and I know that without them this world would be less bright, less warm and very very lonely at times. Thank you for carrying me through the Chemo Carnage!

Now in two days time Chemo 10! Its getting tougher each time but I know that just like an athlete in the race of their life, I will get to the Finish line soon and the end is now in sight!

Reflections

Its difficult to put into words exactly how I felt about the passing of 2011. relief, anger were strong emotions, as Big Ben chimed midnight and a New Year began.

I thought I might have cried but I didn't. However, the hugs I gave to Mike and my parents were as if I hadn't seen them in a long, long time.

I know I'm not alone in wanting to see the back of 2011. It was the worst year of my life to date. So many of you share with me the extreme resentment of what 2011 bought to our doorsteps.

So now, new beginnings, new resolutions...

I know that a different me started 2011 than ended it. The person I see reflected back at me now, I do not recognise. I know that this coming year I will have to get to know her.


The old me never took a single day for granted. Having survived Meningitis in 1998, I made the most of my every waking moment. The old me was a bit of a stress head however!
 'Dont sweat the small stuff' is my newly adopted motto.

March will be a huge turning point for me. As my Oncologist said last week, with the end of chemo now insight, I will have to prepare to be set free. He says it may feel like I've been set adrift, alone in a huge ocean. For 7 months I will have been monitored every week and every other week, three times! What will I do with all that spare time? Oh yes...a small matter of returning to work after 10 months. Another challenge to face.

So, reflecting on the challenges that 2011 presented and the new challenges ahead, I will take it one day at a time and this is how I will learn to live my life. Each day, in the words of my son James, is a' precious gift'.






As with each New Year we get the list of New Years Honours. Those who receive Knighthoods, OBE,CBE etc. Well, I have my own New Years Honours list for those who I could not have made it through this year without. Those who have supported, loved,cared and put a smile on my face on a daily basis. I can't list every name here, for fear of missing someone vital from my list. However, those of you reading this now, I know a little smile will appear, because you know you are on my list...

Finally I will leave you with a quote from -' Its not about the Bike' - the very powerful and inspiring book I am reading by Lance Armstrong, testicular cancer survivor -
 "When I was sick, I saw more beauty in a single day than I ever did in a bike race - but they were human moments, not miraculous ones"

Thank you to all of you for making each day a beautiful one.