Its difficult to put into words exactly how I felt about the passing of 2011. relief, anger were strong emotions, as Big Ben chimed midnight and a New Year began. I thought I might have cried but I didn't. However, the hugs I gave to Mike and my parents were as if I hadn't seen them in a long, long time.
I know I'm not alone in wanting to see the back of 2011. It was the worst year of my life to date. So many of you share with me the extreme resentment of what 2011 bought to our doorsteps.
So now, new beginnings, new resolutions...
I know that a different me started 2011 than ended it. The person I see reflected back at me now, I do not recognise. I know that this coming year I will have to get to know her.
The old me never took a single day for granted. Having survived Meningitis in 1998, I made the most of my every waking moment. The old me was a bit of a stress head however!
'Dont sweat the small stuff' is my newly adopted motto.
March will be a huge turning point for me. As my Oncologist said last week, with the end of chemo now insight, I will have to prepare to be set free. He says it may feel like I've been set adrift, alone in a huge ocean. For 7 months I will have been monitored every week and every other week, three times! What will I do with all that spare time? Oh yes...a small matter of returning to work after 10 months. Another challenge to face.
So, reflecting on the challenges that 2011 presented and the new challenges ahead, I will take it one day at a time and this is how I will learn to live my life. Each day, in the words of my son James, is a' precious gift'.
As with each New Year we get the list of New Years Honours. Those who receive Knighthoods, OBE,CBE etc. Well, I have my own New Years Honours list for those who I could not have made it through this year without. Those who have supported, loved,cared and put a smile on my face on a daily basis. I can't list every name here, for fear of missing someone vital from my list. However, those of you reading this now, I know a little smile will appear, because you know you are on my list...
Finally I will leave you with a quote from -' Its not about the Bike' - the very powerful and inspiring book I am reading by Lance Armstrong, testicular cancer survivor -"When I was sick, I saw more beauty in a single day than I ever did in a bike race - but they were human moments, not miraculous ones"
Thank you to all of you for making each day a beautiful one.
Returning to work is daunting, I had 14 months off butI was lucky and had a phased return through the insurance and rehab scheme my employer had. I think you're legally entitled anyway under the disabled umbrella. Work should hopefully support you in every way. If you search back to 2008 in my blog you should find the odd post about my own return. Fatigue is the worst problem and you'll probably have a foggy chemo brain, having spent so long thinking about cancer switching to other subjects and tasks it's bound to take a while to get into. It is a positive thing and should give you a big boost that you're getting to a new normal and cancer can take it's place right out of the way. All the very best for when it happens
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