It was the week before Christmas...

...and although I'm not amongst the hustle and bustle of this busy week before Christmas, I know just how busy you all are. I hear the updates on how every shop, store, Garden Centre is a hive of activity!
For me its been a mixed week. Sunday last we had an early Christmas day! Mikes children are all away for the holidays, so we celebrated a week early. Christmas dinner, pressies and games. I also made some Christmas cookies for the occasion.

Now I'm having chemo number 8, finishing this Friday before Christmas. I know I will probably crash on Christmas day. However, regardless of how I feel and even if it means Mike taking me to my parents for the day in my PJ's I'm having Christmas! End of!

Oh...and I have an early Chemo Christmas present, given to me in the form of Palmar-Plantar Erythrodysesthesia...ahem...I know, bit of a mouthful. Also known as Hand and Foot syndrome!

 Some chemotherapy drugs such as one of mine 5 Flurourcil (5FU) can leak in small amounts out of the small blood vessels or Capillaries into the hands and feet. This causes sunburn like appearance (redness, skin peeling, tingling, soreness). Vitamin B6 Pyridoxine can help the symptoms. Lowering the dose of chemo can also prevent symptoms worsening. I already had my dose lowered so no longer an option.
So, today I got my vitamin B6 and didn't see the Doctor. Having chemo number 8 as I write! I'm on the home straight now with no time to lose.

All that's left to say is "Happy Holidays to everyone. I hope you all have a peaceful time whatever you do and wherever you are"

 I will be giving special thoughts and sending love to those who are suffering for many different reasons at this time.

Lucky Number Seven - 7

Well here we are on chemo cycle Lucky number seven . Better than unlucky chemo cycle number six -'The case of the missing chemo'! Now irresponsible me has lost all my medication! I know they will be on the ward somewhere and I do have spare, so that's lucky. Chemo fog brain!

I'm also feeling lucky that all my blood was good this time and the lower dose of chemo was noticeable in terms of how well I felt throughout cycle six.

I feel lucky that I have such an amazing family, my parents are there for me at the drop of a hat! I will never find the words to portray just how much it means to me - Thank you mum and dad.

Thank You to My Parents
Thank you for always being there
and knowing just what to do
Thank you for knowing the words to say
when I'm feeling way beyond blue

Thank you for patiently listening
to all my worries and stresses
Thank you for caring enough
to get me out of all my messes

Thank you for being a phone call away
or around the corner to run to
Thank you for your door always being open
and knowing just what to do

Thank you for being my constant support
when i didn't think I could cope
Thank you for lifting my spirits
and letting me know there IS hope

Thank you for being the best parents
a daughter could ever wish for
I love you with all my heart
today and forever more.

by Anonymous Poet as much as it says exactly what I want to say, I cannot take credit for these perfect words...
So, with all this luck...lets hope it continues. Not that I'm planning a trip to the Casino any time soon!

One last little bit of lucky me...on Sunday the weather was good enough for me to go out with Mike, my parents and James to our annual Christmas tree trek. We went to the woodland to cut down our tree of choice. With saw in hand we searched...all the trees are individually named. I found a Christmas tree called Joanna but she wasn't quite tall enough...funny that! I think 5ft 4" is plenty tall enough...

So, we eventually had two choices in the 6ft tall tree department. Dr Who or Willow.

We chose Willow and brought it home. Let me introduce you to the very elegant Willow -

Autumn Poem

I thought I'd share with you a poem I wrote recently about this season - Autumn a magnificent time of year when colour takes over the surrounding countryside and we are inspired to walk amongst those colours, paint them or write about them.

Autumn by Joanne D
The air is colder now
The leaves are turning brown
All life in the garden is beginning to calm down

The spiders webs abundant
On fence and shed and line
All creatures know whats coming
Prepare for winter time

No frost as yet has graced the grass
Only dampness and the dew
But it won't be long before we see
The sparking icy view

I hope you enjoyed reading my poem as much as I enjoyed writing it and the Autumn images it evokes.

Problems...Remedies...Results

This past week I've encountered quite a few problems but I've also very quickly found the right remedy!

Problem number one:

Low Potassium levels = foggy brain, irregular heartbeat, zero energy. Soon remedied by five days of Potassium supplement drinks...not nice but necessary. Result I'm feeling much better after the five days. Levels are back to normal.

Problem number two:
Unable to have chemo number six due to zero neutrophils. Again! Remedy, Oncologist has recommended a lower dose of chemo from now on in order to complete all cycles without further delay. Result we shall have to wait and see if this does the trick...

Problem number three:
Feeling and looking rubbish! Remedy (and this is my favourite one!)  :) Apply 'Daniel Sandler' amazing cosmetics and follow all his wonderful Beauty tips and voila! Result - I look well, compliments that follow on how well... and thus I feel much better. Daniel's Watercolour range is quite literally Bliss in a pot and applying it is heavenly. I keep all of Daniel Sandlers products in their very own make up bag - because they are so special. A bit like the man himself. Find him at www.danielsandler.com

So, you can see that with all these special remedies I am feeling better. Its good to know that if there is a problem, usually there is a remedy waiting to help!

It's all a bit Bananas...

Having never fully recovered from chemo #5, yesterday James and I set off for oncology to start chemo #6! I know I've mentioned it before but this one is a bit of a milestone. Its my halfway mark at last...

On Monday when I had my bloods taken my platelets were too low, so I was a little apprehensive as to whether there had been any increase and my chemo could go ahead.


So, another blood test before we start...
Naomi's face said it all "Its a no go I'm afraid, the neutrophils are zero again". So we return home. Will I ever get to the halfway Mark!

As soon as I returned home the telephone rang. It was the Oncology nurse to tell me that I needed to go to my Doctors immediately to collect a prescription he had arranged to have written up due to very low Potassium levels! I was to start drinking the supplement immediately and continue for the next five days and then return for more blood tests!

Potassium: vital for internal organ function, particularly the heart. Muscle growth, normal nervous system and brain function...say nothing!
Low Potassium levels result in weakness and irregular heart rhythms.
It was no wonder I had not recovered and was still extremely fatigued!

Foods rich in Potassium: Bananas, baked potato, avocados (top three), milk, honey, raisins, prunes, apricots, dates, strawberries, cantaloupe melon, citrus fruits, beets, spinach, tomatoes, mushrooms and soy products.

Later that afternoon the Doctor rang me and said to take the supplement three times a day for five days and after that to eat a banana daily...


Its all been a bit Bananas recently, so I guess another one won't hurt!!!

A Son that shines so brightly...

I'm just coming out of the chemo fog once again, but hey we've cleared number 5! Next Wednesday I embark on number 6 and that milestone is my half way mark...

Since I started my 6 months of chemo (a very daunting amount of time) my son James has been with me every step of the way.

 Devotedly, every other week James picks me up and takes me to the Oncology hospital in the City. He sits with me for the 5 hour duration, supporting me, bringing me endless cups of tea whilst I'm hooked up to the chemo drip. We have wonderful conversations and reminisce a lot about our travels over the years, throughout his childhood. Luxor to Aswan on the Nile in Egypt. Pompeii to Rome on the train through Italy. The Alhambra Palace in Granada Spain. Dubai, Shariah, Fujeirah the UAE and trips to visit family in Germany. James helps to make those 5 hours fly by. With his humour he has me laughing and also the nurses!

I know that this is not easy for him. How can it be? On more than one level, its harsh! Seeing your mum have chemo. Seeing so many people in the Unit having chemo. The initial realisation, just how many people have Cancer is scary. However, we get through with a cuppa, a chat and a chuckle...

So, James, I know you will read this and I'd just like to say - "Thank you for Shining so brightly at this dark time"... You make it more bearable.

I'm going to end this post by sharing with you a very special poem that my dad wrote for me, about my favourite time of year...


Autumn - by Peter Dursley

Trees that were green
Have now turned gold,
Yellow, Brown and Red
The Hedgehog in the undergrowth
Now makes his winter bed.

Chill winds from the Arctic blow
Replacing Summers breeze
The Blackbird harvests on the berries
Among the Hawthorn trees.

The time of Halloween has come
A time for tricks or treats
A woe betide the home that
doesn't keep supplies of sweets.

And soon it will be Christmas
Just two more months to go
Prepare for hoare frost,
Long dark nights
And maybe even snow!

Soulmate...Soulfood

Q - Where have I been?
A -  Sleeping! Zzzzzzzz

Chemo cycle #4 last week was like the Sandman sneaking up with a ton of sleeping dust and bam! Sleeptight for the next few days...

So, looking after me through this chemo induced sleep was Mike, my partner.

 Endless trips up and down the stairs, cups of tea, words of comfort, my fav cake...my best friend and soulmate helping me through.

Soulmate: someone with whom you have a deep natural affinity, love, compatability, spirituality, intamacy. According to Greek mythology and Plato, humans once had four arms, four legs and a single head made up of two faces. The God Zeus feared their power and split them all in half. They were condemned to spend the rest of their lives searching for their other half to complete them.

Im sure Mike wished he did have four arms and four legs this past week!


 It made me think how lucky I was to be in such a safe, comfortable environment. I also thought about those who were going through this alone or in difficult, maybe even dangerous situations. Who was  there for them?

When I was first diagnosed with Colon/Bowel Cancer, it was late Friday eve with the weekend looming. There was no one to talk to about what had just happened. Once we were at home we found that actually there was! Someone was available and there for all who need help, comfort, support and  understanding. Charities such as www.beatingbowelcancer.org  www.bowelcanceruk.org  www.CancerResearchuk.org and www.macmillan.org.uk These charities  are everyones Soulmate. This reassured me, that during the darkest hours, we are never alone thanks to them.

So, now that im awake and the chilly days have definitely arrived its time for some Soul food! My definition of Soul food.
Mum's hearty Beef and Veg stew! If your Vegetarian then leave out the meat and add Veggies of your choice.

Heres my recipe, its so simple, economical and is good for the soul:

2x beef stewing steaks cubed
2x large potatoes
3x large carrotts
1x onion chopped
3x sticks of celery chopped
1x tablespoon of tomato puree
2x pints of beef/veg stock
Sprinkle of mixed herbs
Salt & pepper to season

Brown the meat in large pan, add chopped veggies, stock, tomato puree, herbs salt & pepper, bring to the boil and then simmer for 2 hours.
Crusty bread to serve!

Enjoy!

Today I am me...

Last week did not go to plan...

Having my Full Blood Count (FBC) checked on Tuesday prior to chemo cycle #4 it showed that my neutrophils were too low. A reading of 0.02 meant I could not have my chemo. I cried, I'd only had 3 cycles and already I had gone off track and my joyous end date of January 20th 2012 had to be put back!

Neutrophils are the most prolific type of white blood cells in mammals and form an essential part of the immune system. Without them we could not fight infection. The Average adult has a range of between 2.5-7.5.

So, I went home and thought about my chemo reprieve as my friend Rebecca called it. Two weeks holiday lets look at it that way. A chance to get stronger and start again. My brother put it into perspective for me later that day. He said "It doesn't matter when you get to the finish line, just get there safely" After that I felt more positive and planned my two weeks of isolation at home.

I decided that I would catch up on some reading, make some Tomato chutney using my home grown tomatoes and bake some cute little cup cakes!

Saturday was spent in the kitchen for most of the day. Even though we were experiencing a mini heatwave and the weather was perfect, I couldn't go out in it due to my chemo sensitive skin. Late afternoon I sat in the shady part of the garden and enjoyed the warmth of the day and thought how wonderful life is...

Yesterday I went to Oncology to see Dr F and get my blood checked. I had my fingers crossed that all would be back to normal and I would be myself once more...After 5 minutes the results were back my neutrophils were up to 2.50 my red blood cells were up to 12.5 and platelets were normal! I was so happy.

So, I'm back on track and will have chemo cycle #4 next Wednesday and my new end date coincides with my sons birthday 4th February 2012! A double celebration.

I'll end with a Dr Seuss quote that sums up how I feel today:

Today you are you
That is truer than true
There is no one alive
Who is youer than you!

My Great Escape!

So, last week I got outta 'Stalag Luft 111' just like Steve McQueen and headed for the Dorset coast. Having had a scarey reaction to the Oxaliplatin on Wednesday in Oncology,  just before I was due to go home (my Larynx spasmed and prevented me from breathing properly). Then being violently sick during the 3 days of 5 FU, I was relieved to be able to get in the car Saturday and make the journey. I was determined I would and chemo was not going to spoil my plans.

That evening, I managed a short walk with Meg, Mike and my parents and it felt so good looking out over the cliffs to the sea. I was wrapped up from head to toe like it was minus twenty due to the adverse affects of the cold from the Oxaliplatin chemo! This was a daily occurence, whilst others sat on the beach in shorts and T shirts, I looked like Nanook of the north!

We did trips to Abbottsbury sub tropical gardens, located in its own mini micro climate. the trees and plants from around the world were beautiful.

We spent the day in  Lyme Regis (The Pearl of Dorset) walking along the Victorian Promenade, with its unique, Victorian houses and an eclectic mix of contemporary surf shops, Thai Restaurants and Art Galleries made for a perfect photo opportunity.

 Lunch at Largigi Thai Restaurant, sat out on the sea front in the sunshine was a real tonic. All the stress of the last 4 months temporarily drifted out to sea as I finally relaxed and breathed in the sea air. A walk along 'The Cobb' was bracing! It features in the film and novel  'The French Lieutenant's Woman' written by a local writer John Fowles in 1969  and also in Jane Austen's novel 'Persuasion'.

After lunch a mooch around the shops, second hand book shops, art galleries, hat shops! I found a Folio book of short stories by Daphne Du Maurier and of course due to my adverse reaction to the cold, new hats were purchased in preparation for the winter months! Not that I ever need an excuse to buy hats!

Now that we are back and chemo cycle #4 starts tomorrow, Im already planning my next Great Escape!!

Darkness and Light

This week has brought with it a mixture of dark emotion and more tragedy. My amazingly fit and healthy 87 year old grandad was diagnosed with Prostate cancer...to say that this has upset me terribly is putting it mildly. However, courageous as ever my grandad is very positive about the treatment he will receive to halt it progressing. He will continue to row every weekend at the Bristol Aerial Rowing club. He still takes part in competitions as the Cox!! As long as he can row and exercise at the gym he will be fine. We are all staying as positive as we can, what else can we do!?!?

I've also had some really good days this week with some lovely walks along the beautiful River Avon in Bristol. The Avon Trail at Conham is perfect for a Sunday afternoon visit. You can take the woodland trail or the river trail. We took the latter. As we walked along the edge of the river, Mute swans peacefully paddled past and Mallard ducks viewed us from their platforms across on the other side. The wind blew the Weeping Willow trees and the sound of the wind in the trees oozed tranquility.

 We passed The Bristol Aerial Rowing club where my grandad is the Cox for his Veteran crew. The building has been on its present site since it was built in 1904. The Bristol Aerial rowing club was founded in 1876 and was originally based at the Harbour in Bristol.

We left the rivers edge and headed up towards the woodland trail. Here we joined the Bat trail! A large sign which read "Shhhhh sleeping Bats"  led me to a large and very dark cave. I peered through the protective grills but unfortunately without a torch I couldn't see anything inside the Batcave...next time.

With one day left until my third cycle of chemo starting, another trip along the River Avon was on the agenda. A sunny and breezy day and off to Lock Keeper pub and the start of the Bristol to Bath trail.
The River here is so peaceful and teaming with fish! House boats and Barges line the River on the opposite side. Its a very pretty stretch of the Avon.

 Heading out over the fields, dragonflies, Red Admiral butterflies and a Cormorant perched high up on the pinnacle of a dead tree! Later a lone Canada Goose glides past.

The next time we go out walking, we will be in Dorset and I will be walking the Coastal paths and beaches! This is the Lighter side of my week...making the most of each day as you just never know what the day will bring, darkness or light or a mix of both...

Staring at the ceiling...

Having just completed chemo cycle #2 I have to say I now know how it feels to be floored by it! Joanne V Chemo - TKO! However, I am also pleased to tell you that apart from the fatigue, really I've fared quite well...

So, for the last few days I've learned quite a lot about my self. Ive learned to listen to my body, to have no expectation of what I could or couldn't do and mainly I've learned to accept.

Having oodles of time to think, offers a great opportunity to reminisce and also plan. Ive been lucky to have had many fantastic holidays and days out. All of these easily conjured up and ready to brighten the day. Retracing my steps on a Woodland waterfall walk in Wales, walking along the coastal paths with my loved ones in Dorset, watching Meg swim for the first time,  climbing a sand dune in the desert to say hello to the Bedouin...

Then planning for more memory making! In a few weeks our family holiday to Dorset. I cannot begin to tell you how much Im lookin forward to getting away to the coast. A change of scenery is a tonic and in the Victorian era everyone was sent to the coast to recover from illness. Then the big one, visit my darling brother in Dubai, spend time with my beautiful nephews.

Looking forward to getting out and about with fantastic friends in Liverpool. Catching up with my family in London. Going to the 'Lost Gardens of Heligan' (its been on the to do list forever...)

So, you can see, these few days spent staring at the ceiling have been extremely productive and time well spent! Now im feeling brighter Im getting back in the saddle and off I go! Click here to  listen to the song -  'Staring at the ceiling' - Keane

"I Get By With A Little Help From My freinds" - John Lennon

This past week (chemo free) has been a joy! Apart from feeling tired quite easily I've felt GOOD. So I've made the most of it and taken every opportunity to catch up with friends and family.

With the added bonus of the August Bank Holiday it was time to catch up with one of my oldest and dearest friends (oldest not in age!) Lunch at the Jolly Sailor pub on the Avon & Kennett Canal on a sunny Sunday, bliss. Spending time with Sharon  makes me feel, not only happy but extremely positive too.

 She has always had a way of putting the right perspective on things. The glass is always three quarters full when I'm with her.

Oxford dictionary definition of  friend: A person who likes and chooses to spend time with you. A sympathiser, helper.
I've also been so lucky to have found many a new, 'virtual' friend through having cancer. We share a common bond. We catch up regularly and have great affection through written word alone.
With my virtual friends scattered to the four corners of the earth, I am never alone day or night. Someone is always awake and ready to talk! It makes insomnia a little less stressful.  StephanieAnn in USA, Gina in Ireland, Pam in New Zealand, Rebecca in Liverpool (well they do speak another language) and Hannah in London .

So, with a little help from my friends, I'm getting by quite nicely...

Living in LIMBO...

What a week! Tuesday saw the PICC line insertion completed. I have to say it was no where near as scary as I had imagined. All down to the talented nurse Claire and the very lovely nurse Fallon. After an hour we were all done!

 I came home with 'PICC' who would now be a part of me for the next six months.

I did not sleep well that night mainly due to random thoughts about PICC and was he wriggling about whilst I moved about in bed!

The next day I felt very anxious about the first chemo cycle. We arrived and were met by a very lovely chemo nurse called Jonathon, he talked me through the procedure and then hooked me up! The Oncology suite was very nice to be honest, I had a large reclining arm chair for the duration and a bowl of sweets nearby.

Over the next few days whilst my chemo was still being administered by the little pump I had bought home, I experienced the standard side affects. Mainly nausea, fatigue, pings and pangs in nerve endings! I took the medication prescribed which helped.

The practicalities were a challenge. Question -  How to shower with PICC and Pump?

Answer - With the little help of a genius invention called... 'The Limbo' a waterproof protector which can be submerged and used in showers and baths.

 By Friday evening the pump was disconnected and I was chemo free for eleven days! One down eleven more chemo cycles to go...sounds better than one week down twenty three weeks to go!

Sunday was a beautiful August summers day and I was determined to get out there and make the most of it, so with my factor 30 sun cream, large sunnies and long sleeved top on, off we went. Durdham Downs was bustling with joggers, dog walkers and families having picnics.
 I managed a 40 minute walk, with Meg and my family and enjoyed every minute of it...
It was good to know that I could, even though I'm currently living in Chemo Limbo!